Behavior Support
“When a flower doesn’t bloom you, fix the environment in which it grows, not the flower.” -Alexander Van Heijer
Prevention strategies
“The most powerful way to change the world is to live in front of our children the way we would like the world to be.” -Graham R. White
When your child engages in problem behavior on a repeated basis, it is helpful to ask: “How can I be proactive rather than reactive?”
Prevention Strategies and proactive strategies can go a long way in alleviating the factors that contribute to problem behavior overall. Here are some strategies we use from the field of Positive Behavior Support.
Proactive Strategies (5 minutes): This video was created by Gabbie Lanier, the MDS district behavior analyst. This content is strictly informative and is not intended to be a substitute for professional advice for your child. Always seek the advice of your qualified provider with any questions you may have regarding a behavioral concern.
12 Helpful Proactive Behavior Strategies
Create positive interactions
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5 to 1 ratio of positive to negative interactions
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Smile, speak in a positive tone
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Give feedback to your child with a focus on positive behavior
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Listen & validate feelings on a regular basis
Establish boundaries and structure
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Structure and organize the home
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Communicate expectations clearly
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Use a visual schedule to increase predictability
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Establish healthy routines
Focus on skill building
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Teach, model and reinforce social-emotional skills
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Provide numerous opportunities for your child to practice new skills
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Focus on setting small achievable goals
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Teach and build independence
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Reward appropriate behaviors with feedback, incentives to start. Then slowly build independence.
Templates and Resources
Schedules and Routines
Visual Schedules
note: click on image to print at home
Daily:
Weekly:
Weekly Routines:
Morning / Evening Routine (Elementary)
Morning / Evening Routine (Secondary)
Behavior Tip Sheet for Home Learning
Here are some tips for behavior strategies at home. Though the following tips are meant to help provide you some general strategies for home learning, you are the expert on your child. But, adjusting to remote learning is going to have a learning curve. It’s no easy endeavor!
Please take whatever strategies might be helpful to you and leave the rest. You are a parent first, and your family's well being comes first. If you feel that your child needs more support for health or mental health, address those needs first.
1. Give yourself grace.
Take care of yourself in whatever way you can. Remote learning is a change for you and it is inherently stressful. You may feel exhausted or frustrated. So find time for yourself and relax, even if it’s only for 10 minutes!
If you start to get overwhelmed, create some space to sit with the discomfort. Then, try to do one new thing at a time, or one new thing a day. Today you can focus on learning to use Zoom. Tomorrow you can learn about Canvas. Or, today focus on Math, tomorrow focus on math AND reading.
2. Set up a space
Consider setting up a learning environment at home. When you expect your child to learn at the table, structure it so that your child associates this space with learning.
- Put up a sign that says it’s time for school. Flip it over when “school" is in session.
- Set up a table or dedicated area & organize your materials in one spot.
- Make it learning-friendly by lowering distractions.
- Put on music to signify it’s time to work or it’s time to clean up.
- Have them decorate it with school work they’ve completed.
- Have your kids clean or organize space at the end of the day so it’s ready to use tomorrow.
3. Get creative with your new schedule.
Look at your day, rearrange how you partition time for work, remote learning, and other responsibilities. Here are a few questions to ask:
- Which roles can be done simultaneously? Can you involve your kids in daily chores?
- How can you simplify? Can you do online grocery shopping? What are simple meals you can cook?
- Work with your partner. How can you creatively split up tasks at home? Can you take turns in a creative way?
After that, write down your schedule. Set it up on a giant visual calendar, or on a piece of notebook paper. Make it your own and tweak it every day until you find a good rhythm that works for you and your child.
4. Set up a school routine
Have your day start in a consistent way. This helps to increase predictability and to decrease anxiety for your child. The more you do it, the more habitual these routines will become. This will help lower your anxiety too! If your child is older, make the morning routine fit their level. This might include checking their email or reviewing their assignments on Canvas.
5. Start small
When you set up times or “blocks” of academic work, make it doable. In other words, start with small chunks of time (10 or 15 minutes) and build up from there. If your child is older, they will be able to sit for longer periods.
6. Build in breaks
Remember that elementary school students have recess, specialist, AND lunch...so you can build in breaks in a similar way. If your child is in middle or high school, make sure they are taking breaks too! Pair breaks with time they can read silently, play basketball, or even have screen time. But make sure that their favorite activities, whatever they are, occur after they have completed some part of their scheduled work time.
7. Make rules for learning time
Create some rules or expectations for your “school day.” Come up with 3-5 simple rules that you can enforce with your child. Make sure you list what behavior you want to see (rather than what you don’t want to see. So, instead of saying “No swearing” you might say, “Use respectful words.” Or instead of, “No hitting,” try “Hands to yourself”.
Then, write down the rules on a piece of paper. Post it somewhere and refer to it when you need to. You can even go over the rules before you start school every day for the first week. Then, you can point to the rule whenever you need to “re-teach” the rule to your child.
Here are some example home rules:
- Use respectful words
- Hands to yourself
- Only use computer for school work
- Do your work before free time
8. Find a way to motivate your child (rewards)
It is incredibly helpful to build in favorite activities after your child has completed some expected work on their schedule. Rewards are reinforcers for a behavior you want to see. Here are some effective ways to use rewards in the home:
- Brainstorm rewards: Use a variety of rewards such as games, time with you, coloring, favorite toys, or screentime. You can also think of snacks, breaks, “recess”, or family time as natural rewards that are just built into the schedule.
- Limit access: In order to make it a reward, make sure they have limited access to it before they’ve earned it. For example, favorite games can be put away, or video games can be “off-limits” until the designated reward time.
- Set clear limits: Put a time limit on it and follow through. If it’s helpful, provide a 2-minute preemptive warning and set a timer. Or, consistently allow them for “1 more minute” if that helps the transition off the item or activity.
- Deliver reward: Be consistent. Only provide the reward AFTER the expected behavior/ competition of a task. Then give the reward quickly after they have “earned” it.
- Choose a system: Make it easy to use for you and your child. If your child is younger, a “first/then” board might be helpful. If your child is older, you can try using a “token board” or a “point system.” Or, simply build the reward into the schedule. Then, at the beginning of the day or before the next activity announce how they can earn that time: “First complete your math lesson, then you can have 15 minutes of screen time.”
9. Practice life skills (chores)
Finally, use this time to get creative about chores and tasks around the house. Involve your child, to the extent possible, in chores that you have to do around the house. Maybe you tend to do these things when you’re child is at school or when they are sleeping. Try asking them to do these things WITH you and as part of their school day. Remember, these are important life skills that you make into an educational experience!
Rewarding Appropriate Behavior
“The way positive reinforcement is carried out is more important than the amount.” — B. F. Skinner
Is there a behavior you want your child to do more of? Don’t ignore the behavior when it happens! Giving positive feedback and even incentives is a wonderful way to encourage your child’s positive behavior.
Reward strategies are a type of positive reinforcement. Why is it so effective? Because when we teach new behavior AND reinforce those behaviors, they are more likely to occur again in the future! Here are some positive reinforcement strategies we use from the field of Positive Behavior Support.
Helpful tips when using reward strategies
1. Create positive interactions
- Relationship first: focus on building a positive relationship by smiling and speaking in a positive tone.
- 5:1 Ratio: For every 1 negative interaction, balance it with 5 positives.
- Praise: Give feedback to your child with a focus on positive behavior
- Use if/then statements and enforceable statements. This helps to tie positive reinforcement with appropriate behavior.
- Examples:
- “If you finish your homework on time, then you can have extra time for playing basketball.”
- “Kids who make their bed get to have morning cartoons.”
- “I help children who ask me respectfully.”
- Examples:
2. Identify the behavior you want to increase such as:
- Following directions
- Manners
- Conversation skills
- Identify feelings and use of coping strategies
- Problem solving
- Self-advocacy
- Doing homework or work completion
3. Identify an appropriate incentive for your child’s behavior:
- Positive feedback that is genuine and describes what they did correctly
- Honor appropriate communication and reasonable requests
- Use a reward chart or system (see positive reinforcement tools below)
- First/then board
- Token board
- Point system
- Check-in & check-out
- Behavior Contract
4. Be consistent and follow through.
Once you make an incentive system for your child, follow through with it. If needed, tweak your reward and make sure that your child really wants to earn it. Consider using a reward survey if you need some inspiration for a reward!
Positive reinforcement tools
Token board and incentive tools can be a great way to provide reinforcement for your child’s behavior.
Token Board: Preschool/Elementary
First Then Board: Preschool/Elementary
Reward Chart
Sourced by Free printable reward charts
Check in Check out (Elementary)
Behavior Contract: Elementary
Behavior Contract: High School
reward surveys
Managing problem behavior
“Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet.” — Jean-Jacques Rousseau
“In my world, there are no bad kids, just impressionable conflict young people wrestling with emotions and impulses, trying to communicate their feelings and their needs the only way they know how.” — Janet Lansbury
Problem behavior (like yelling, hitting, defiance, etc.) can be so frustrating. It can be so hard to respond in a positive way, especially if the behavior happens daily.
Effective response strategies can go a long way in slowly teaching our children that problem behavior will not be reinforced. But it takes patience and consistency.
It is first helpful to understand the function, or pattern of behavior. In taking the time to understand why the behavior is occurring you are able to develop more effective ways of responding.
Here are some strategies we use from the field of Positive Behavior Support.
Effective Response Strategies
- Use a calm tone of voice, even if upset. This is especially important when your child is seeking attention, or a reaction from you. Minimizing your reaction is a way to “actively ignore” your child’s behavior. This is very hard to do, but when you are able to do so, we are more able to respond in an effective way and to reduce the amount of reinforcement for inappropriate behavior.
- Model calming strategies to your child (take deep breaths, take a break) when you are upset. Show your child that it is ok to be upset, and that there are ways to deal with emotions and express what we need in an appropriate way.
- Validate your child’s feelings. Seek to understand if there is an unmet need (such as hunger, tiredness, or connection) that needs to be addressed.
- Redirect your child’s behavior. Rather than telling them what “not” to do, tell them what they should do so that you can focus on teaching appropriate behaviors.
- Examples:
- Say “Please ask me that again calmly,” rather than say “Stop yelling.”
- Say “Please walk away if you’re upset” rather than “Stop threatening your sister.”
- Say “Try starting the first problem,” rather than saying “Stop sitting there doing nothing!”
- Examples:
How to redirection problem behavior (8 minutes): This video was created by Gabbie Lanier, the MDS district behavior analyst. This content is strictly informative and is not intended to be a substitute for professional advice for your child. Always seek the advice of your qualified provider with any questions you may have regarding a behavioral concern.
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Use if/then statements and enforceable statements. This helps to tie positive reinforcement with appropriate behavior.
Examples:
- “If you finish your homework on time, then you can have extra time for playing basketball.”
- “Kids who make their bed get to have morning cartoons.”
- “I help children who ask me respectfully.”
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Restate expectations and values. Clearly remind your child what you expect them to do. This helps to decrease misunderstanding between you and your child.
Examples:
- “Everyone is expected to do their part. Your chore is clearing the table after dinner.”
- “In this family, we speak to each other with respect.”
- “Our family values are safety and kindness. Please…(give a specific direction.)”
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Follow through with directions and expectations. Gain proximity to your child and calmly follow through until it gets done. It helps to give fewer directions and to always follow through with directions you give. This way, you teach your child that you say what you mean.
Examples:
- “Remember that you need to finish your schoolwork before TV. Please turn that off.”
- “I asked you to please put away your laundry.”
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Give your child choices. Providing two choices is a great way to get your child more control in the situation. It also builds in flexibility for you as a parent; there’s always more than one way to do something! Use this strategy if your child does not readily follow directions:
Examples:
- “Please take out the trash. Do you want to do it now or in 5 minutes?”
- “It’s time to do your homework. Do you want to start with math or science?”
- “It’s time to brush your teeth. Do you want to do it by yourself or do you need my help?”
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If you use consequences: be fair and consistent. Allow for natural consequences and, if needed, write down consequences ahead of time so that you may more calmly implement a consequence if the occasion arises.
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Most importantly, give positive feedback for good choices and behaviors you see in your child. Consistently let them know that they will be recognized for their good behavior.
